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Post by xoxohart on Apr 24, 2005 9:50:03 GMT -5
Yesterday I wore the skinny black pants that I thought were months away from fitting. Nope, they fit just fine, thank you very much! I also retired two more pairs of pants. No more size 16s; they are all too baggy now.
I went to Target and bought two pairs of capri pants, size 10. Tried on the first pair, and it is very snug. Good, that is what I want -- something to motivate me. The second pair fits perfectly. These are both the same manufacturer, same style, different colors. Oh, well. I'm actually thrilled -- I can squeeze into a size 10! This amazes me. I'm looking forward to my weigh-in tomorrow.
Still not exercising. I know it would probably help with the feelings of stress. I have been feeling some chest pain and have developed a cold. I feel too busy to make a doctor's appointment. Just writing this down, I see how lame it all is. I need to see a doctor, pronto.
It is Sunday morning, and I have made the decision not to go to church. I feel guilty not because I feel like I *must* go to church to be a good person, but because I disrupt my children's routine when I do not take them. It helps all of us get centered for the week to come.
But here I sit, in my big comfy bed, computer and cat in my lap, big pot of coffee next to me. I have a big report to write today and a house to clean, as well as a couple of days' worth of instruction to plan. So I am taking this Sunday morning time to reflect and procrastinate :-) in my own way, and will move on through the day, accomplishing what I need to accomplish, at my own pace, no stress involved.
Foood yesterday:
Oatmeal, peaches, milk Venti latte Brown rice, ff refried beans, chipotle pepper, 2% cheese Pan-fried orange roughy, coated with corn meal; roasted asparagus; really gross "Core" corn muffins. DS and I each ate part of one and threw the rest of the pan out. Next time I want corn bread, I will make the real thing and count the points. Or maybe I just need to find a better recipe. Hmmmmmm.
Don't know what I'll eat today, but probably
Polenta, eggs, Canadian bacon, melon/strawberries
Leftover Core spaghetti with meat sauce, artichoke hearts, etc. & some real parmesan cheese (gotta use up those WPAs!)
Something grilled by DH, who comes home tonight after a week away; salad; potato (more WPAs!)
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Post by xoxohart on Apr 28, 2005 21:01:22 GMT -5
Yesterday was so strange. We had a field trip, and a couple of the parents asked me if I had lost weight. With one of them, I ended up telling her all about Core, because she was interested in losing weight too. It's so strange, because I never think of *other* people as needing to lose weight. I always think of myself as the fat one. But I guess I'm not fat anymore, at least not obese! Later in the day, somebody else mentioned that I looked "smaller," as well. I have seen these same people within the last month and they didn't say anything. I guess the last ten pounds have really made a difference. And, even though I am trying not to set a goal, I can't help thinking, "23 pounds to go." So I must be in denial -- I *say* I don't have a goal, that I just want to keep eating like this. But I remember how good I felt when I weighed 134 pounds, and how I wore a size 8 and sometimes could squeeze into a size 6. How people really did call me "skinny," and "tiny," and meant it. The worst part? I wonder if, eating the Core way, I could even weigh less than 134. That's right, less. That's where the obsessive part of me comes in, and I get scared. Losing weight is kind of addictive, you've got to admit. And even though to a large extent, Core comes "naturally" and is not so difficult, I do exercise some willpower from time to time. I don't want to become obsessive, to start thinking that I've got to weigh less than 134. So maybe I should go ahead and set that goal, and stop fooling myself that "I don't care where I end up, I'd be happy staying at this weight right now because I feel so good, blah blah blah." I *know* that if the weight loss stopped for more than a week, I would get all frustrated and start thinking of ways to jump start it again. I would get all obsessive. I don't think I really will feel happy until I weigh 134. So I'm going to go ahead and set the goal. So there.
Okay, today's menu so far:
Breakfast -- polenta, eggs, Canadian bacon, lots of coffee Lunch -- couscous, asparagus, chicken, orange Snack -- nonfat latte, apple Dinner -- don't know; DH is making it but I know it will be something Core, and probably grilled.
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Post by xoxohart on May 1, 2005 9:36:31 GMT -5
Ooops, I've gone over my WPAs for the week, for the first time (except for Spring Break, when I lost weight anyway). Last night we went out for Mexican after DS's baseball game. I ordered wisely, asking for no cheese or sour cream, and had a four-point meal (2 points for regular rice; 2 points for two corn tortillas). But I also indulged in chips (3 points). And a gigantic margarita (16 points!!!!). So I am over by about 7 points for the week.
I'm not worried, though. I do realize that if I had been exercising this week, I would have had enough WPAs to "cover" this meal. That is very motivating on the exercise front. So today, I am going to go for a run and clean my house. Next week, I am going to hit the gym. Now that most of the high-pressure meetings and the reports that go with them are done, I cannot use that as an excuse any more!
My challenges for the upcoming week: A pizza party Tuesday night; an outing with DH on Saturday. I will definitely need to earn APs this week.
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Post by xoxohart on May 11, 2005 20:28:52 GMT -5
I was just skimming over the last couple of weeks' posts. I haven't been a very regular writer, I'm afraid! Oh well.
On May 1 when I had gone over WPAs (slightly) I did not have a loss -- stayed the same. However, this week, I lost (drumroll . . . ) 5 pounds. So I think the scale was playing some tricks; an extra 150 calories over the course of a week would not cause me to *not* lose a pound or two.
The size 10s I bought several weeks ago fit just fine. My "skinny" pants are rapidly becoming my "fat" pants. Too cool! I now fit into pants ranging from size 10 to size 14. The 14s are the old ones from three or four years ago that I outgrew. They are beginning to be droopydrawers. Then I have a fabulous pair of size 12 jeans from Target that were very snug when I bought them; nice and comfy now. And two pairs of size 10 capris which are snug but fit just fine. I am so tempted to go buy more pants, but I think I'll wait until I get into the 140s (just weeks away, folks!)
A couple of days of stressful work, due mostly to ongoing behavior problems of one child. Poor guy. It's funny; at school today I felt near tears but remained upbeat (but truthful) when talking to the parent; now I feel energized. It's like a puzzle I need to solve -- but the rewards could be so life-changing for all involved. But at the same time, I cannot let myself feel like a failure if I can't "fix" the problem. After all, the much more experienced professionals who have come before me weren't able to solve the puzzle, either. I won't give up, or let this drag me down, but I will keep trying.
Dinner tonight -- not so good. I didn't really eat lunch today -- nibbled on fruit throughout the day, though. I had some beans, polenta, ff cheese, peppers; then some tiny wax potatoes (probably too many). I could tell I was going a little overboard but I stopped before *too* much damage! I definitely understand why potatoes go in the once a day category.
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Post by xoxohart on May 13, 2005 21:16:28 GMT -5
It's Friday! I had a pretty good day today -- it was one of those days where I felt energized and busy, and felt successful with the kids. They were having a good day, too!
Food today:
Breakfast -- polenta, Canadian bacon, eggs, coffee Snack -- banana Lunch -- barley, pork, green beans, tomato Snack (with kids at school) apple Snack (after school) smoothie with soy milk, strawberries, yogurt
Now . . . a glass of red wine Later . . . a dinner that DH is preparing with lean protein, corn or other "special" veggie, salad
Interesting reading peoples' posts here and on the WPA about too much food. Sometimes I look at what I've written and think, "That sure sounds like a lot of food!" But if I analyze it, it is pretty balanced, in general, and anyway, who cares? I am eating when I am hungry, and stopping when satisfied.
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Post by xoxohart on May 22, 2005 9:56:03 GMT -5
I can't say I made the best choices yesterday, but they were choices that pleased me.
Breakfast -- fresh polenta, eggs, Canadian bacon Snack -- strawberries (farmers' market) Lunch -- polenta spread with ff tomato pesto from the farmers' market Snack -- little tomatoes topped with eggplant pesto and a dollop of Greek yogurt -- think I have discovered a fabulous Core appetizer Dinner -- tortilla chips and guacomole, wine
I spent 10 WPAs on the chips and wine, but I have been having a craving for those chips! Also for the day -- just too much polenta (twice in one day) and corn products!
Planning ahead for today:
Breakfast -- steel cut oats, fresh strawberries, soy milk Lunch -- polenta with Core spaghetti sauce; maybe soy cheese Dinner -- grilled chicken, artichoke
Snacks -- fruit, yogurt
I have not gotten in the exercise (again). Last night, I did *walk* to the movie store to rent movies, instead of driving -- if I counted it, it would be one WPA. I think I will try to get in a jog/walk today, though. And I am also going to be packing boxes both in my house and in my classroom today, which is definitely movement!
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Post by xoxohart on May 23, 2005 20:51:38 GMT -5
I went shopping at Target last night. I picked out a bunch of size 10 stuff, thinking it might be snug, but it would fit soon enough. Well . . . (I bet you can guess what is coming next . . .) it all fit, and is really not snug at all. I bought a pair of pants and a jeans skort, as well as a few tops.
Food so far today:
Breakfast -- steel cut oats, peaches & strawberries, soy milk Lunch -- barley, broccoli, pork Snack -- Core deviled eggs, smoothie with soy milk and strawberries
That snack is really staying with me, so I may decide not to eat dinner. DD has already eaten pizza at her swim party, and DS has a baseball game. So it's an a la carte night anyway. We'll see . . .
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Post by xoxohart on May 24, 2005 15:36:26 GMT -5
DD is sick today; she woke up last night throwing up. She seems fine today; just a little tired. She is such a sweet little thing. I have always felt a great deal of stress when I have to call in sick. Will they find a substitute? Will the substitute be able to make any sense of my lesson plans? Of course I know everyone will survive without me. The real question is . . . will I survive without them? And will I be missed? Okay, insecurity showing through here. Yes, I know I am missed. And also, what will I do with myself all day? So today I am tackling my son's messy room. After more than two years of being nearly allergy-free, he has suddenly been waking up with puffy eyes and an itchy, runny nose. Now that I have spent the bulk of my day in his room, I know why. It is a PIGSTY! Dust and cobwebs everywhere. Old papers, crumpled up on the floor. I am realizing that the kid never throws away anything. Not because he wants to save it, but perhaps because he is lazy? Perhaps he is taking his cue from me, one of his role models, who is also a persistant slob? So I am washing, dusting, throwing things out. And feeling melancholy, too. Not because I am such a sloppy person, but because today I have been on an archaeological excursion through the last three years. DS has changed so much in that time -- from the chunky little class clown who loved his legos, Yugio cards, Harry Potter, and spy toys, who was openly enthusiastic about so many things, to this close-faced teenager who is overwhelmed by his schoolwork; spends all his energy crafting a social life; unsure whether to listen to his parents or shut us out. He is still a sweet kid, but has so much to contend with. The common thread throughout the years has been baseball. I guess that's why I make such an effort to go to all his games. Okay, 'nuff about this. Bottom line is, they grow up so fast. There have been times when I have tackled his room and felt so angry at him, but not today. Today I'm feeling a lot of compassion. I wonder if I have more patience because I physically am feeling so much better these days. Anyway, this is a feeling I'd like to hold on to; my kids deserve it. Maybe one of these days I'll be able to teach myself and them some organizational skills, as well. Food today: Breakfast -- Steel cut oats, strawberries, soy milk Snack -- homemade soy cafe au lait Lunch -- lettuce, avocado, chicken, tomato, 1/2 tsp olive oil with some lime juice and ff Italian dressing Dinner -- Probably will make brown rice, black beans, add in some chipotle peppers and leftover spaghetti/meat sauce, corn, or whatever else I can toss in -- my favorite kind of casserole.
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Post by xoxohart on May 26, 2005 23:11:41 GMT -5
I went shopping tonight. I am looking for a little something to wear to a party in a couple of weeks. The trouble is, I really don't dress up much; most of my clothes are quite casual. I'm a no-fuss kind of gal.
But I tried stuff on and had fun doing it. I can fit in to size 10s for the most part, and they look okay! I am working hard on noticing the positive parts of my body. The last time I was slender, I couldn't tell that I was, because my eye kept going to the little bit of flab on my tummy, or (especially) my big boobs, which will be big no matter what size I am. Thankfully, they are a little less big right now, but I've gone from a DDD to a DD cup. At my thinnest, I will still be a D. I am looking forward to that day.
So that rules out spaghetti straps.
I did buy two new bras (that's how I know I've gone down a cup size . . .) and I think tomorrow, my silhouette will look thinner because of it. Trying on bras really p*ssed me off, though; the ones in my size are so clunky looking and ugly. There are very few plain and simple styles; the ones that fit me have big flowers or grandmotherly lace, bows that show under a tight t-shirt, and cover up any cleavage. So I only bought two; in a few months hopefully I'll be able to buy a slightly less big, and more plain, over-the-shoulder-boulder-supporter.
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Post by xoxohart on May 28, 2005 10:33:19 GMT -5
Nothing like this -- a lazy Saturday morning, enjoying my morning coffee, with Frederick the big black cat purring noisily on my lap, looking up at me adoringly. Pets really are wonderful, aren't they?
It was our anniversary yesterday -- 16 wonderful years. DH and I went out for dinner last night to celebrate. I had most of my WPAs, but they are gone, gone, gone. It amazes me how quickly those little suckers evaporate in just one meal, and I didn't overeat, either. I know I could have done "better" by making specific Core choices, but this is the kind of situation those WPAs are for.
Today I'm going to try to earn some APs, whether I decide to actually use them or not. I need to exercise, anyway -- the one part of my program that is really suffering.
My week resets on Monday, just in time to enjoy a Memorial Day picnic. I think I'll try to make Core choices then, though, to save those WPAs for the following weekend -- a party in Napa. Yes, there will be wine and cheese on the menu!!!
Only 13 days left of school -- unbelievable!
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Post by xoxohart on May 29, 2005 12:39:19 GMT -5
So far, I'm having another lazy day. Yesterday I felt like a slug. I did go out for a walk, but couldn't wait to get home again. I wanted to eat and sleep all day. These are pretty typical feelings for me -- possibly feeling overload from the week that just passed, or overwhelmed by the list of tasks facing me at home? More likely, a combination of both. I will have to watch out for this over the summer. A day or two of it is fine, but I have eight weeks of long, blank days, to be filled by my own motivation.
I skipped church again this morning, a lesson I should have learned last week. But it feels a little different today, for whatever reason. I have been reading these boards most of the morning, and finding all kinds of inspiration. Just now I logged on and joined the President's Challenge. Basically, it is just getting 30 minutes of movement a day, 5/7 days per week. It lets you count all kinds of things, including housework and gardening. So I ought to be able to do that. It is comforting to think that I can "count" gardening, as this is something that I know always helps me feel better when I am in one of my ruts. And while I don't enjoy doing housework, when I have done it, I always feel more in control. On WW, I guess I have always felt that I couldn't "count" these activities. But I am beginning to realize that for me, it would be a good idea to count them -- it will keep me motivated. And isn't it better to get outside and do some gardening, or to do chores, than to sit around at the computer, or in front of the TV, or with a book? Not that there isn't a place for all of these things. But if my goal is to become more active, then anything that gets me on my feet as opposed to sitting in a chair would nudge me towards that goal. So from this point on, I will count chores and gardening, both as APs and towards my Presidential Challenge. I will be vigilant with those APs, though -- following the rule about using them the same day, and tracking my weight. Because if for some reason I stop losing or even *gasp* gain weight, I will look at those APs first. I suspect, though, that allowing myself those APs will actually motivate me to be more active throughout the day, and that will be a good thing. I also know, at this point in my journey, that those APs are most likely to be spent on one of two things: A little extra olive oil or a glass of wine. I like to nurse one glass throughout the evening; it makes me feel pampered and tends to curb the urge to snack. Not something for every day, but a few nights a week.
So we'll see about this . . .
My goals for today: Grocery shopping to fill the fridge, pantry, and fruitbowl with some of those harder-to-find staples (Lifetime ff mozarella, ff ricotta, good yogurt, frozen strawberries, ff sf pudding mixes, etc.) that help me feel nurtured and on track. Exercise -- either a walk with DD, or a visit to the gym -- maybe both!
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Post by xoxohart on May 30, 2005 19:24:18 GMT -5
Went to a Memorial Day barbecue at my parents' club today. I was so pleasantly surprised; there were plenty of Core choices.
My other victory -- going to the gym. DD and I walked there; I spent 15 minutes on the elliptical machine, 22 minutes on the treadmill (during which I ran a mile without stopping, some of it at 6mph), and about 15 minutes doing a quick weight/abs workout. The only problem is that my knee is hurting now (due to the elliptical machine, which for some odd reason always bothers it). I'm sure it will be better tomorrow.
Food today:
B: Multi-grain hot cereal, blueberries with soy milk and sf syrup; watermelon; coffee
L: Grilled chicken, skin removed; 1/2 ear of corn; green salad with beets, olives, tomatoes and 1 tsp dressing; fruit salad; water
Snack: strawberries with ff ricotta.
Dinner: Haven't had yet, but am thinking of making a polenta "shell" with beans, chicken, peppers, ff cheese inside. Also: using my APs for a glass of wine.
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Post by xoxohart on May 31, 2005 20:49:44 GMT -5
I feel like I'm struggling a little bit, and really need to work on the portion control/not eating for the wrong reasons. This afternoon I ate three (large) olives, then read the nutrition info, and thought: "I just consumed 60 calories. That's one point." Now, I do NOT want to count points for Core foods, but I do think it is time for me to be aware of many of the higher calorie foods I consume. It's not like I eat olives all the time, but I do eat avocadoes all the time, for example. And if I am going to eat olives, it should not be mindlessly. I shouldn't eat anything that way.
Okay, in other news, my knee is still killing me. I should not have used the elliptical trainer yesterday at the gym. Tomorrow morning, I *am* going to work out, but I will stick to the bike (gently) and upper body/abs. This morning, I got up and walked for 30 minutes. It was another mistake, as I realized after about 10 minutes that my knee was hurting. Even though I injured myself, I am proud of myself for exercising four days in a row.
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Post by xoxohart on Jun 5, 2005 21:24:22 GMT -5
I am proud of myself; I have exercised nine days in a row. Today, DD and I walked down to the "far" park (about 4 miles roundtrip). I feel even better knowing that I am helping her be more active, too.
Later we went to the mall; DH and I are traveling to Boston next weekend for literally one night -- to go to a party. Ugh. So I was trying to find something to wear. It's a lot more fun to shop now, but being "well endowed," I am still finding it difficult to look at myself in clothes that are slinky or low cut. Hips and boobs pushing out all over. At one little boutique, I tried on size 12 dresses -- beautiful and slinky, but I felt too exposed. I asked for the same dress in a 14, just to see if it would make a difference, but was told they didn't carry 14s. I feel a little bit chastened. Like, I thought I was doing so well, but am still just barely able to wear normal clothing from a normal shop. And even then, only if I am willing to bare quite a bit of cleavage.
I ended up getting a cute little top with martini glasses and a beaded fringe, along with cute black pants with the same fringe, and some slinky sandals. Fun and flattering, and hopefully I will be able to balance my fear of "exposing" too much flesh with my equal fear of appearing too matronly.
Food today:
B: oatmeal, blueberries, soy milk, ff syrup, coffee, banana L: polenta, eggs, Canadian bacon S: yogurt pudding, frozen cherries D: Fresh Choice -- salad, baked potato, lentil soup, and my splurge -- piece of gingerbread cake.
I'm winding up the week with 10 WPAs left over. But for some reason, I'm not feeling too positive about tomorrow morning's weigh-in. I just seem to be in a rut.
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Post by xoxohart on Jun 17, 2005 9:13:56 GMT -5
I'm not going to make my President's Challenge star this week (exercising five days for at least 30 minutes) because I am really not feeling well. I have a bad, bad cold. Ugh. Yesterday was the last day of school. Today I need to pack up my entire classroom, plus deal with some really messy loose ends. Double ugh. On the weight loss front, I feel like I am doing really well. I wore a yellow skort on Tuesday and a young man who works in my room made a very favorable comment. It's really fun to dress in bright colors and show some leg, and know that I look okay. People at work continue to make favorable comments on a daily basis. I hardly notice any more and am feeling pretty confident that I'll be able to keep up the Core WOL (way of life) forever. So let them comment. I KNOW I will never have to hear the deafening silence that would occur if I gained it all back. I'm feeling a little pessimistic today because of all the stuff hanging over my head. I had hoped to feel differently on this day; in fact, I've been looking forward to it for a long time. I just want summer, with long, hot days, time to exercise, get chores done, and take the kids places. Instead, right now, I'm thinking about packing (both the classroom and my house before the renovations), icky people problems that may be unsolvable, cold weather, and just feeling really sick on top of all that. Sigh. Not sure what I'll do for lunch today, but will probably take the kids out to High Tech Burrito for lunch. I know I can get brown rice, beans, chicken, veggies and salsa. I will force down breakfast, too (probably my multi-grain hot cereal) . Then for dinner . . .
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