Post by cyclegoddess on Dec 4, 2005 20:51:12 GMT -5
Hello all... just stopping in, in case anyone is around. Just came back from a weekend with the family, pretty much a funeral turned family reunion.
I think of my family being very supportive, I am out to them. Really that means my immediate family though. I'm out to my dad & step mom, but don't see them as often so we havent really talked about it since the time I came out. I haven't been in a serious relationship in awhile, so there hasn't been a natural way to come out to others such as through introducing a partner.
So during the course of the last two days, there was rather a bit of drinking after the funeral (that's a whole additional issue), as it brough up a lot of recent deaths on all sides of our family. My stepmom got into a loud conversation with my sister about there will never be any grandchildren, why don't people have kids at a regular age like they used to, why isn't my sister married, what's the matter doesn't she like men. (The ironic thing is she is the only straight one out of 3 sisters). The sister getting interrogated got all defensive, why are you asking ME that. Everyone running around whispering in the corners.
I am going to try to put my hands on why I am feeling so angry and isolated. First, the fact that I am gay is not a secret, if someone has an issue (or someone else in the family wants to know, am I?) they should just ask me directly. Second, my "supportive" sister acted like it was such an insult asking did she like men, she got all defensive talking about how long she's been dating the guy she is with. Second irony, my sisters AND my mom all think I am the most likely of the 3 of us to have kids - first, or at all. That is true. And third point., should I be angry or glad she is expressing she feels like we're failing them not providing grandkids yet? (Turns out she wanted to have more kids with my dad, he didn't, we never knew that.)
Her son died when he was 18, and the funeral brought back memories of her mother dying recently, along with my grandfather, plus grandmother on my mom's side, my cousin's parents and grandmother... am I missing anyone? My father and stepmom are now the oldest people in my family (young, mid-sixties). My step-mom realized that and got kind of upset and started asking if we would go to her funeral.
So, tough situation, alcohol made it worse. I'm upset about it, and feel guilty that I should maybe be more sympathetic. And I sure have not handled all this the healthiest way myself: I had a cinnabon for lunch (SERIOUS comfort food) and a seafood ravioli with cream sauce for dinner. I did have them put just a little sauce and only had a 1/2 glass of wine myself, but still couldn't call it healthy eating by any stretch.
I think of my family being very supportive, I am out to them. Really that means my immediate family though. I'm out to my dad & step mom, but don't see them as often so we havent really talked about it since the time I came out. I haven't been in a serious relationship in awhile, so there hasn't been a natural way to come out to others such as through introducing a partner.
So during the course of the last two days, there was rather a bit of drinking after the funeral (that's a whole additional issue), as it brough up a lot of recent deaths on all sides of our family. My stepmom got into a loud conversation with my sister about there will never be any grandchildren, why don't people have kids at a regular age like they used to, why isn't my sister married, what's the matter doesn't she like men. (The ironic thing is she is the only straight one out of 3 sisters). The sister getting interrogated got all defensive, why are you asking ME that. Everyone running around whispering in the corners.
I am going to try to put my hands on why I am feeling so angry and isolated. First, the fact that I am gay is not a secret, if someone has an issue (or someone else in the family wants to know, am I?) they should just ask me directly. Second, my "supportive" sister acted like it was such an insult asking did she like men, she got all defensive talking about how long she's been dating the guy she is with. Second irony, my sisters AND my mom all think I am the most likely of the 3 of us to have kids - first, or at all. That is true. And third point., should I be angry or glad she is expressing she feels like we're failing them not providing grandkids yet? (Turns out she wanted to have more kids with my dad, he didn't, we never knew that.)
Her son died when he was 18, and the funeral brought back memories of her mother dying recently, along with my grandfather, plus grandmother on my mom's side, my cousin's parents and grandmother... am I missing anyone? My father and stepmom are now the oldest people in my family (young, mid-sixties). My step-mom realized that and got kind of upset and started asking if we would go to her funeral.
So, tough situation, alcohol made it worse. I'm upset about it, and feel guilty that I should maybe be more sympathetic. And I sure have not handled all this the healthiest way myself: I had a cinnabon for lunch (SERIOUS comfort food) and a seafood ravioli with cream sauce for dinner. I did have them put just a little sauce and only had a 1/2 glass of wine myself, but still couldn't call it healthy eating by any stretch.