Stress eating (and other icky behaviors)

[xoxohart]

This afternoon I sat down and ate.

I wasn't hungry.

It was all Core, and because of that, I probably did not inhale thousands of calories like I would have in the old days. And I am not beating myself up. I am just trying to be aware of myself and why I felt like eating.

Comfort -- definitely. I am feeling very stressed out for a variety of very minor reasons -- house-related, kid-related, job-related. You all know what I'm talking about, right? Everything seems to be happening at once, and I just want to have a huge hunk of undisturbed time to think my own thoughts, read, and sleep.

Yes, I have been taking the time to exercise. So that's good. And now I have barricaded myself in my bedroom, with the 'puter. In order to do this, I have skipped my DS's baseball game (guilt-guilt-guilt). I am planning to also skip out on a work-related function tonight that I have been dreading. And I may even tell DH that I am just not up for our dinner date out, which we had been planning after the function.

Several years ago I was treated for depression. I have been feeling so lousy and irritable the past couple of weeks that I wonder if medication would help. But a big part of me thinks that better time-management skills would help even more. So to that end, I think I'll hibernate tonight, and make all the dreaded phone calls, do the house cleaning, help DD with her school project, etc. tomorrow that needs to be done.

[SusieQ]

Dear Coco,

You know, it isn't easy figuring out when "low" moods are signals to pay attention to something needing attention in one's life, or when they've taken on a life of their own requiring professional intervention.

Generally, depression will respond to medication when it gets "into your body" with the following symptoms: severe tiredness, sleep disturbance, appetite disturbance, loss of interest in pleasurable activities, inability to enjoy usually enjoyable activities, and decrease in ability to function socially and/or occupationally, feelings of worthlessness, guilt, hopelessness that persist for more than two weeks.

If you are experiencing these things, and you responded to an antidepressant in the past, chances are you will respond to the same antidepressant again.

My own opinion is that we get the most mileage out of addressing depression when we combine medicine with therapy of one sort or another. In other words, whether you elect to take meds again or not, treat your depression like a signal from your deepest self that something is amiss in your life, and take pains to listen that message and address your needs.

I think we American women work ourselves to the ground. We hold demanding jobs; we often bear the emotional brunt of our children's difficulties on our shoulders with little or no support; we do most of the housework, even when we also do salaried work; and we feel guilty when we take time for ourselves and let the rest of the world do without us for an hour, a day, a weekend. No wonder we have anxiety and depression!

In any case, whatever you do, whatever choice you make in your daily life, ask yourself, "Is this what someone who takes exquisite care of herself would do?" And if not, ask, "what would a woman who takes exquisite care of herself do right now?" And then go do it.

Because you are worthy of exquisite self-care.

I hope you feel better soon. Take exquisite care of yourself, and don't hesitate to seek a doctor's help if you need it.

Susie

[xoxohart]

Susie,

Thanks for your very thoughtful response. It helps so much to know that somebody is listening. I do have some of the symptoms of depression, but I am also just overworked and overbooked right now, as so many of us are.

My DH came home last night and found me in bed. He immediately said, "I'm going to call the restaurant and cancel our reservation." He is so wonderful to me.

I think I've got a bit of a mental block because there is a huge list of tasks I need to do, that all require making phone calls and coordinating with other people. I have always hated talking on the phone, and trying to schedule people I do not know from different sites to find a date for a meeting is stressful in itself. But I just have to do it, and I am willing to bet that I will feel much better after that.

I'm feeling a little better this morning, but I am going to monitor myself; your list of signs to look for is very helpful.

[sarpon]

xoxo, a couple of years ago, when my family was in the midst of a huge crisis that was quite literally tearing us apart, I managed to get through the work week and then on the weekends I would retreat to bed where I would spend hours in a zombie-like state, mindlessly flipping channels looking for something that would occupy my attention and keep me from thinking about the awful things happening to us, emerging only long to get something from the kitchen to take back to bed with me to eat on autopilot. Come Monday, the alarm would go off at 6, I'd rise, shower, and become Super Mom again for another 5 days.

On a "good" weekend, I'd only do it one day. On a "bad" weekend, I'd do it both days.

When life overwhelms us, our brains demand that we allow a shutdown, just like a manufacturing plant or an overheated engine. If we don't willingly or mindfully plan it, our brains will just do it, and that can be bad. Mildly bad, like my mini-breakdowns on the weekends that no one outside the family really knew about, or wildly bad, like the kind that end up with mommy in a hospital and the neighbors saying "She seemed to have it all together but I guess she just snapped."

Stress eating is one mild way we tell ourselves that we aren't caring for ourselves. We need to stop and listen to that voice. In the same way that it can be so hard to realize that a screaming, thrashing child needs to be held and soothed, not spanked, when we hear an inner voice scream "COOKIES!" we need to listen to what's behind the surface message and give ourselves what we really need, and not necessarily what we seem to be asking for.

[nebraskagirl]

xoxo, I really know where you are coming from. I have suffered with depression in the past. I also know that stress and I do not mix well together. I am older and have come to understand myself, my body and how much stress I can truly handle. I have learned to say no to things that are not important to keep the family relationships in order. That included working, I do not work and haven't for 22 years. This was very liberating. I feel so bad for women who have to work and keep the family and do the housework. I came out of the 60's women's lib movement and I found it was pretty false. I highly encourange women if they do not have to, and I mean have to work, not to work or work out of the home. I don't want to sound trite about women who work I am just saying from expirence and talking with other women we seem to have a certain level we can handle and then it leads to depression. So I really don't have an answer for you but I do know what you are going through and would just say make an evaluation of all you do and what can change?

[xoxohart]

Vita,

I think you are so right. Thank you for sharing your story. I am not going through any kind of family crisis, but when my f-i-l became ill and passed away within 7 weeks, I came down with all kinds of stress-related ailments -- my jaw locked up, I began to gain weight; I lost interest in exercise; I had low-energy days EVERY day. As soon as my doctor prescribed an antidepressant, I had a dramatic turnaround (except that I did continue to gain weight, but that's another story!). My turnaround was so dramatic that I sometimes wonder if it was "just" a placebo effect.

I have those low energy days just about every weekend; usually just one day but sometimes two.

But my stress these days I try to think of as "good" stress. It is, after all, related to my good fortune in life. I have a job that I love, but it does come with having to schedule meetings at this time of year, as well as conduct all kinds of assessments on my students, all of which is stressful. (Although I agree that holding down a full time job adds quite a bit of stress to our lives, I have been a SAHM and did not do well with all the unstructured time.) I have a beautiful home, and DH and I are lucky enough to be able to afford to remodel it this summer. But again, scheduling it, and all the decisions that come with that, are stressful to me. I have two beautiful children, but hey -- with all the joy they bring, children also bring stress into our lives. Because we love them so much, and their small hurts become our hurts; their difficulties become our difficulties; their school projects become our projects!

And the home comes with its own stresses, as well: cleaning and organizing it. I HATE to clean and become very cranky when I am cleaning. I am thinking about a cleaning service. But I also heard about Flylady yesterday, and joined, and am feeling newly inspired.

So. After reading such wonderful posts from all of you, I am thinking that I should do the following: 1. Schedule those low energy times. Think of them not as a source of guilt, but as a source of renewal. 2. Spend small amounts of time getting things done that are stressing me out. I.e. just make the d*mn phone call, already, and get it over with.

I am feeling very inspired today, so thanks.

[Lesley1]

Hire a cleaning service if you can afford it. There is no virtue in doing something you hate to do (and which you don't have time for) if it's possible to delegate that task to others.

I also dislike talking on the phone and I always have. Can you do some of your scheduling by e-mail?

[planty]

I just wanted to tell you that I understand your feelings. I have myself been fighiting with depression. I was put on meds; which helped me more than I ever knew they would.

I didnt have work issues. Im a SAHM, but the daily frustrations of life and a 2y/o boy all in a too small appt took its toll on me. I didnt even realise how bad my depression was. I respond with anger not tears. I was just mad all the time and didnt know why.

The meds helped me make the choice to go to WW, helped me put ME first on days I was overwhelmed. I can truly say I need it. Im not ashamed; Im a better more calm mom for it.

I hope you work through this stress and come out on top. Just remember you are not alone in your feelings and have support here.

[xoxohart]

Thanks everybody, for your kind and helpful comments. I have decided that my stress is definitely not related to depression, but to actually being overloaded with things to do (things I do not enjoy doing, that is!). My dad has stepped in to help organize the remodeling project; my meetings are nearly all scheduled; DD's huge school project is finished and ready to be transported this morning; my house is looking lived in but not too chaotic right now. And guess what -- I am feeling so much better, more positive, more patient with my kids, more productive at work. I need to remember the Nike saying -- "Just do it." Procrastination is what always gets to me; one of these days I'll get it. (I hope!)