A breakthrough, of sorts

[keliCAN]

I think I had something of a breakthrough this afternoon.

I eat to deal with stress, anger, sadness, loneliness, fear, pain, and every other emotion I don't want to face. I've been dealing with several things for the past few months -- actually, avoiding dealing with them, by eating. I really don't understand it -- I don't get how it works, or why it works, but somehow it does.

Well, today, one day shy of four weeks on WW, it was kind of like a drug, a strong painkiller, wore off, and suddenly I had to deal with all the pain and all those emotions I've avoided for all these months.

It was a tough day, but a necessary one, I think.

I'm feeling sad and empty and scared and hurt right now, and I don't even feel like eating. Maybe the drug really has worn off. I sure hope so.

Well, thanks for "listening." I just needed to tell someone, and I figured someone here might understand.

[SusieQ]

Wow, kelican....

That *is* a breakthrough!

One writer, Geneen Roth, writes very well about the use of food as medication....and of the growth possible when we stop using food to avoid our feelings. Sounds like you deeply experienced the feelings you're used to eating away. And isn't there a kind of joy that come from feeling whole, from feeling wholly you?

Just remember that progress usually unfolds like a spiral staircase rather than an escalator. You do go "upwards" - make progress - but kind of in circles rather than a straight line.

Susie

[auntbee]

Susie

Good reply to Kelican.

Kelican - wonderful job on recognizing how you were using food to medicate and divert attention away from the issues you needed to deal with head on--and making the decision to deal with them!
Very often we don't realize what we are doing, or are in denial, and put off dealing with the real problem at hand. A very real part of what brought us to WW to begin with. I am so glad you have met this head on and processed through. Definitely a significant *breakthrough*! Good Work ;D

Aunt Bee

[jt&me109]

Kelican, I'm inspired by your strength and courage.

I came to the boards this morning looking for some motivation and inspiration. I'm having a "sad" day and having a tough time dealing with some negative feelings. Normally, I'd eat. I really don't want to though. For once (and from now on) I want to deal with the feelings in a healthy way and your post is just what I needed.

[glow=red,2,300]Thank you, thank you![/glow]

[gymnut56]

Just remember that progress usually unfolds like a spiral staircase rather than an escalator. You do go "upwards" - make progress - but kind of in circles rather than a straight line

Wow Susie,

This is such a profound statement for me. This is just how my weight loss journey is going. Who knew I was normal all this time? ;D ;D

[keliCAN]

Thank you, everyone. I really did need for someone to understand.

SusieQ, I looked up Geneen Roth on Amazon. I’ve heard of the book Feeding the Hungry Heart, and it looked really good, even though it was published more than twenty years ago. Would you recommend this book, or another of hers?

And, yes, there was a kind of a joy in, as you say, “feeling whole,” almost like the pain was a relief. I’m great at denial --- it’s one of my best things. I should have been feeling afraid and angry and hurt and alone --- but the food somehow made it possible for me to avoid those feelings, in a weird sort of way. I hadn’t realized until yesterday just how much like a drug my food has been.

Auntbee, I wish I could say I made a decision to deal with these issues, but it was a line of an old favorite song I was singing along with while I was cleaning the kitchen that caught me off-guard and yanked me into reality.

And grantoandrew, thank you so much for the kind words. You know, facing those issues was tough, but I feel so much better about myself and everything else today that it was absolutely worth it. You’ll be in my thoughts as you’re dealing with your negative feelings.

Gymnut, I am glad your weight loss journey is going well ;-) Mine’s just started, but I do feel like I’ve made a good start.

Again, thank you all.

[SusieQ]

Any of Roth's books are worth reading. Feeding the Hungry Heart is a fine place to start.

As Kippy says, "if hunger's not the problem, food's not the answer."

Let us know how you are doing, ok?

Susie