Post by SusieQ on Jan 26, 2005 7:55:27 GMT -5
It's happened to you before. You join WW and start to lose weight. At a certain point, people start to notice.
"Are you losing weight?"
"You look terrific!"
"You should get your makeup (hair, colors) done...you'd look fabulous!"
And you can't stand it. You begin to find ways to put away extra calories. A nibble here. A bite there. An extra snack, a larger meal....you gain a small amount a couple of weeks in a row...and then....you give up.
After a few months or years, you get uncomfortable enough being fat to try again. And this time, the weight is harder to take off....but at that cetain point, when people start to notice....the same thing happens.
What's going on?
Some of us are conflicted about losing weight. We get uncomfortable without our fat around us. We would LIKE to be slender and fit and healthy, but when people start to notice our weight loss, we get mighty uncomfortable.
People with this problem stay fat because they are avoiding something uncomfortable about the experience of being thinner. Here's some possibilities:
1. Fear of attracting too much sexual attention...not knowing how to handle those attentions.
2. Fear of not having all your dreams come true...what if you don't become a singer/movie actress/successful CEO after all?
3. Fear of losing love...what if your mother/father/spouse/partner WANTS you fat? Will you lose your loved ones? Friends?
4. Fear of being without pleasure: what will you have to give up to be thin? What will you do with yourself if your life doesn't center around the next meal?
5. Fear of being exposed: sometimes our fat helps us feel invisible to the world, and we are uncomfortable thinking of being more looked at.
6. Fear of more being expected....what if the world stops looking at you as a kind of diminished person? What if you have to work harder now because more is expected of you?
Well...the reasons are legion...one for each of us with this conflict. What do you do about it?
1. First, figure out what it is about getting thinner that bothers you. Start by imagining yourself thin. Picture yourself in your mind's eye going about your daily routine in your new body. Where is the problem? Do you see yourself getting out of bed alone because you're now divorced? Or, do you imagine yourself being ogled by every pair of eyes on the subway to work, and feel like you want to crawl under the seat? Do you see youself a movie star but then hear yourself say, "Fat chance. Why bother losing weight if you don't have enough talent to be a movie star anyway?" Listen carefully to your own internal voices. Pay attention to the feelings in your body.
2. Once you've identified some of the issues that are in the way of your success, start to work with them. Keeping a journal is a very good idea. Here's some examples of how to grapple with the issues. Let's say you've identified a fear of not becoming a successful actress EVEN if you're thin. Your unconscious brain has set up this equation: "As long as I'm fat, I'm not ready to go out and study acting/audition or otherwise attempt a career." What you have to do is untangle the outcomes. Make a pact with yourself. "I have decided that I don't have to be ready to tackle acting just because I've lost weight. I am giving myself permission to take my time figuring that career thing out even if I lose weight. I can stay stuck in my boring job as long as I need to....even thin." You can work on your career conflicts later!
See? What if you're afraid of unwanted attention? Maybe you have a history of sexual abuse, and fear terribly being vulnerable sexually? You have to learn to do for yourself what your fat does for you.
Try this exercise...fill in the blanks:
1. My fat helps me by.........................................
2. Without my fat, I'd be afraid to..................................
3. If I were thin, ................................would happen to me all the time.
There are a few things that can help a person with that fear of sexual attention/intrusion. A good self-defense course helps to cut down on the sense of personal vulnerability. Getting physically strong helps. You can also give yourself permission to "hide" in ways other than fat: realize that you don't have to dress like a bombshell when you lose weight. You can still cover yourself. Look around you in the world...how many slender people are still able to blend into the background? Realize that you can do that, too. Take an assertiveness training course. Do that imagination thing. Imagine a scary scene: a man asks you out on a date. Practice saying no. "No, thank you. I'm not interested in dating anyone at this time." If you get stuck on these things because of old trauma, find a good therapist to help you work on it. Realize that many, many people are able to make gradual changes in their habitual responses to the world, and you can too. And that no change EVER happens until you are ready for it.
The main things to keep in mind is that once you have teased out the underlying fears that are tripping you up, you have a powerful tool at your disposal to undo those knots....your mind. Identify the habitual thoughts that start the sabotage and then start to argue with them. Banish them. Replace them with more constructive thoughts. Practice new behaviors. Be patient...change is slow but that's good...overnight changes never last. You are transforming your mind as much as your body.
Susie
"Are you losing weight?"
"You look terrific!"
"You should get your makeup (hair, colors) done...you'd look fabulous!"
And you can't stand it. You begin to find ways to put away extra calories. A nibble here. A bite there. An extra snack, a larger meal....you gain a small amount a couple of weeks in a row...and then....you give up.
After a few months or years, you get uncomfortable enough being fat to try again. And this time, the weight is harder to take off....but at that cetain point, when people start to notice....the same thing happens.
What's going on?
Some of us are conflicted about losing weight. We get uncomfortable without our fat around us. We would LIKE to be slender and fit and healthy, but when people start to notice our weight loss, we get mighty uncomfortable.
People with this problem stay fat because they are avoiding something uncomfortable about the experience of being thinner. Here's some possibilities:
1. Fear of attracting too much sexual attention...not knowing how to handle those attentions.
2. Fear of not having all your dreams come true...what if you don't become a singer/movie actress/successful CEO after all?
3. Fear of losing love...what if your mother/father/spouse/partner WANTS you fat? Will you lose your loved ones? Friends?
4. Fear of being without pleasure: what will you have to give up to be thin? What will you do with yourself if your life doesn't center around the next meal?
5. Fear of being exposed: sometimes our fat helps us feel invisible to the world, and we are uncomfortable thinking of being more looked at.
6. Fear of more being expected....what if the world stops looking at you as a kind of diminished person? What if you have to work harder now because more is expected of you?
Well...the reasons are legion...one for each of us with this conflict. What do you do about it?
1. First, figure out what it is about getting thinner that bothers you. Start by imagining yourself thin. Picture yourself in your mind's eye going about your daily routine in your new body. Where is the problem? Do you see yourself getting out of bed alone because you're now divorced? Or, do you imagine yourself being ogled by every pair of eyes on the subway to work, and feel like you want to crawl under the seat? Do you see youself a movie star but then hear yourself say, "Fat chance. Why bother losing weight if you don't have enough talent to be a movie star anyway?" Listen carefully to your own internal voices. Pay attention to the feelings in your body.
2. Once you've identified some of the issues that are in the way of your success, start to work with them. Keeping a journal is a very good idea. Here's some examples of how to grapple with the issues. Let's say you've identified a fear of not becoming a successful actress EVEN if you're thin. Your unconscious brain has set up this equation: "As long as I'm fat, I'm not ready to go out and study acting/audition or otherwise attempt a career." What you have to do is untangle the outcomes. Make a pact with yourself. "I have decided that I don't have to be ready to tackle acting just because I've lost weight. I am giving myself permission to take my time figuring that career thing out even if I lose weight. I can stay stuck in my boring job as long as I need to....even thin." You can work on your career conflicts later!
See? What if you're afraid of unwanted attention? Maybe you have a history of sexual abuse, and fear terribly being vulnerable sexually? You have to learn to do for yourself what your fat does for you.
Try this exercise...fill in the blanks:
1. My fat helps me by.........................................
2. Without my fat, I'd be afraid to..................................
3. If I were thin, ................................would happen to me all the time.
There are a few things that can help a person with that fear of sexual attention/intrusion. A good self-defense course helps to cut down on the sense of personal vulnerability. Getting physically strong helps. You can also give yourself permission to "hide" in ways other than fat: realize that you don't have to dress like a bombshell when you lose weight. You can still cover yourself. Look around you in the world...how many slender people are still able to blend into the background? Realize that you can do that, too. Take an assertiveness training course. Do that imagination thing. Imagine a scary scene: a man asks you out on a date. Practice saying no. "No, thank you. I'm not interested in dating anyone at this time." If you get stuck on these things because of old trauma, find a good therapist to help you work on it. Realize that many, many people are able to make gradual changes in their habitual responses to the world, and you can too. And that no change EVER happens until you are ready for it.
The main things to keep in mind is that once you have teased out the underlying fears that are tripping you up, you have a powerful tool at your disposal to undo those knots....your mind. Identify the habitual thoughts that start the sabotage and then start to argue with them. Banish them. Replace them with more constructive thoughts. Practice new behaviors. Be patient...change is slow but that's good...overnight changes never last. You are transforming your mind as much as your body.
Susie
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These insights of yours apply to so many areas of life. Wouldn't it be strange to find that what we learn from being overweight and losing weight turned out to be a blessing! Thank you so much Susie. 
/Sarah.JPG)
but atleast I recognize that it's there.
