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Post by sulee on Sept 20, 2005 18:58:45 GMT -5
well what have we here...I am back in the midwest, back to work, back to yoga, back to WW meetings, and most importantly back to me. It wasn't that I wasn't doing core or dieting that took me away from myself, it was a general laisse faire attitude...oh whatever...that slowly gripped me as the summer progressed. I had lost about 15 pounds by last spring and now, according to the meeting 10 are back. No worries... I love eating a la core and this time I'll lose those 10 and at least 10 more. I just had a lovely dinner of grilled turkey, couscous with soy cheese and red cabbage, onions, broccoli and mushrooms. What more could girl want for dinner. I did pilates today and walked briskly. But most importantly I wrote in this very journal.
I was scanning some of the other areas and people are really doing GREAT. If you read this, brava to you!
sulee
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Post by KristenKP on Sept 21, 2005 7:33:30 GMT -5
Welcome back, Sulee! I was just thinking about you the other day!
It sounds like you've got will and motivation to spare, hurrah! Attitude will get you far with this, as you know.
Take care, and good luck!
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Post by sulee on Sept 21, 2005 20:52:04 GMT -5
Wednesday Sept 21
Day two of journaling and back to the rigor of ww and the core plan. I am surprisingly relaxed about the whole thing. I realized from my now erroneous weight tracker at the bottom of my box that I had only lost 13.6, not 15 so I only gained back 9 pounds, give or take an ounce or two, so I am even closer to getting back to where I was. And the eating feels a-ok, which i am WELL AWARE could shift in a heartbeat...but I'll take the ease while it's here!
I returned from yoga really late...after 8, after a long day of dance and teaching...and the dogs were hungry and i was tempted to just eat their kibble! But instead I made a 5 minute "casserole" cooked chicken and mushrooms with peach and pineapple salsa and ff cottage cheese all kind of squished together. May sound gross but 'twas delicioso!
Overslept this am so had a peach for driving breakfast. Lunch was a huge salad with left over turkey, arugula, tomatoes, broccoli and a chopped up portobello from last night's dinner....yum
Banana before yoga and then the dinner mentioned above. I will no doubt have 4 points of ice creamy stuff and I had a point for 1/2 and 1/2 this am
Sooner than later I'll figure out a nice way track my stuff here but for now the narrative works for me.
In the change of seasons it is EXTRA CRUCIAL to show myself some kindness. so...nice job there sulee!
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Post by sulee on Sept 22, 2005 20:30:28 GMT -5
Thursday Sept 22
Like I said yesterday I just knew that one day's ease would be the next day's struggle. Is hershey's chocolate worth being fat for? Today I said no but it wasn't easy...and who knows what tomorrow might bring. But although I wasn't a core nun today, in the face of Milk Chocolate Swoops i did pretty well
And AND i really was nice to myself most of the day, yoga, exercise and just taking time-wise.
Breakfast: Oatmeal w/ splenda, cinnamon and ff milk --I ran out of fruit.
coffee w/ 1/2 and 1/2 (1PT)
Lunch: Turkey, soy cheese, red pepper, arugula on a whole wheat, lo point wrap (1 PT) and a blue bunny 2 pt ice cream bar (2PT)
Snack: Peach
Snack #2: single serving candy pumkin (3PT) Better than 18 points of swoops, which is what the three little tubs add up to and i WOULD have eaten all 3...
Dinner: grilled chicken with asian stir fry veggies--frozen, organic, delish!
blue bunny bar (2PT)
Exercise: I ran 1.5 miles and walked another 2.25 mile briskly...getting back into the swing. It felt better than awful, which is pretty damn good! so I guess that is 2 ap's for one of the ice cream bars!
onward...
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Post by sulee on Sept 23, 2005 8:04:03 GMT -5
Friday Sept 23
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oya
Corebie
Posts: 32
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Post by oya on Sept 23, 2005 21:26:58 GMT -5
Hi Sulee, like you, I'm back after a summer "hiatus" from WW during which I gained about 10 pound ::)s. But on Core we will lose and have fun, right? Good luck!
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Post by sulee on Sept 24, 2005 9:51:28 GMT -5
Saturday Sept 24th
I started to journal yesterday and managed the date and nothing else. I have GOT to stop weighing daily. I am totally discouraged that the numbers are up and back. But I went out last night for indian and drinks so WHAT DO I EXPECT.
Do i want to be more conscious of what i ingest or not??
s
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Post by sulee on Sept 26, 2005 7:46:49 GMT -5
Monday Sept 26
I feel like i need to go to a BA meeting...Brat's Anonymous. I'll stand up and say My name is Sulee and I eat just cuz I can! ( and then of course stamp my petulant little foot!)
I just ate boatloads of food this weekend. I am stressed, sure, but the news flash is that the eating relieves NONE of that and if I had stopped and done some yoga or taken a quick run or gotten on my bike, those choices would have averted the ones I did make.
In ayurvedic philosphy/mediicine they call this when VATA gets aggravated, where whatever your constitution, as the season is changing from summer to fall, the vata gets a bit wacky...feeling ungrounded, nervous/anxious, unsettled...certainly true for me this weekend. And my first response to that type of sensation in my body is to swing around my house hopping from one project to the next, with liberal breaks in between for snacking.
When I did get my butt out to the trail and put in 4 miles walking and running I felt just great afterwards. Even during I felt my energy just settle down. That was Saturday. Sunday I had to leave the house early (for me) and get to a rehearsal... then yoga.... then another rehearsal. But just doing the yoga in the middle made most of the DAY great. But... by evening I was back to my old compulsive self... grazing from fridge to freezer to cupboard in search of ANYTHING. Sadly I mostly found ww "ice Cream bars" and ate 4. Yup, I am writing it down for me to see again and again. FOUR!
The question again is begged...do I want to be thinner or what?? I don't HAVE TO lose weight. Of course it a choice. But I feel sad when i look in the mirror. And i KNOW that my dance suffers carrying this extra weight. So what is it? Oral gratification for a minute or a sense of physical ease in my body. I can't say that the answer is obvious because I don't usually chose the "right" one. So the jury is out. And I am the jury. I need to decide.
C'mon Sulee...I can settle in and be here for myself.
onward
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oya
Corebie
Posts: 32
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Post by oya on Sept 26, 2005 9:55:47 GMT -5
That's so interesting about VATA. I definitely feel it. Hard time settling down to do things. Wanting to "reward" myself with everything I see. Have also done the 4 WW ice cream bit. More recently I have been able to channel it into FF popcorn. Its still binging, but I'm hoping not as bad for me.
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Post by sulee on Sept 29, 2005 7:49:43 GMT -5
sept 29 05
the night eating thing...No matter how much or little i eat during the day or whether I eat dinner at 5 or 6 or 7 or 9 like last night. I still go berserk in the kitchen...nibbles of soy cheese, a banana, popcorn, grapes a yogurt. yeah I know last night it was all core. prior to my polishing off ww ice cream bars and edy's lite ice cream it was that stuff. and the bottom line is i'm not really hungry... sure the first couple of snacks, i may be a little peckish, but after that it's just pure binge behavior. but ONLY in the evening. until i decide to get a handle on this, i can't have treats in the house that I used to be able to eat in relative moderation... i need to remember to substitute satisfying beverages for some of the snacking too. and i guess i could try and add more yoga in the evenings... but more than behavioral fixes I know this has to do with deeper seated issues about being fat, about holding on to things and about wanting quick easy fixes for what ails me.
onward girl...onward. remember...no life is wasted--holding on to the way I think my life 'should' have looked or looks today, doesn't change anything. letting go of the shoulda-coulda-woulda--that will be a true weight loss experience!!
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Post by sulee on Sept 30, 2005 7:56:12 GMT -5
ooooohhhh boy. Last night I snacked on carbs instead of eating dinner. I write in this public journal to give light to what I see as dark behavior...not evil, just hidden from view. obviously people know i eat too much...i am a size 14 dancer. But how i actualize that is something i keep to myself, in the evening. so today is a new day and better choices are just an action away. as always i start my day with beautiful intentions and actions....oatmeal and fruit. a big glass of water.
right! onward...
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Post by sulee on Oct 1, 2005 8:02:27 GMT -5
October 1 2005
A new month. I must make a new start. I have felt so entrenched in fat, both actual adipose cells and this inertia that I selected over action. The only action i seemed willing to chose was eating ( I just went back and changed the present tense verbs to past!) TODAY is a new start. I had a facial yesterday so my face is renewed, I have a cut and color today, so i won't look quite so draggged down and Monday i scheduled a massage. My concert is Sunday so now I can pull back a little and devote needed NEEDED time to me. More exercise, more time having and preparing healthy food, more time breathing and doing the yoga/ayurvedic work that means so much to me.
This is L-october to lock in some good habits, that makes it also R-october, rocking the boat away from stagant waters.
onward...
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Post by sulee on Oct 2, 2005 8:17:06 GMT -5
Oct 2, 2005
yesterday was better! I ate salad for lunch and dinner, lentil, oats, fruit, chicken, rounded thngs out on the healthy front. I got bingy toward the end of the day...before bed. ambivalence about the way that sleep has been troubled for the last couple of years MAY play into that. I reallay need to accept that i eat emotionally. Which is not to say that I can't still make better choices. I so can.
SO today is the show. I have to prepare my little speils, get the cards done and then get myself together. Boy did I get a bad haircut yesterday. Note to self: always wait till i can get to NYC to get the job done!
ok...onward to me and to all the others who are working this wieght loss thing!~
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Post by sulee on Oct 4, 2005 7:54:06 GMT -5
oct 4 05
i felt so great after the show so energized... and didn't get to sleep until 2ish...not for lack of trying. and lastnight was worse, last time i checked my watch it was 3:30 and i tossed and turned after that
and i gained 3 pounds overnight...yeah yeah natural fluctuation,,,don't weigh between weigh ins but I am still discouraged and feeling hopeless.
gotta get more exericise and that's that
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Post by sulee on Oct 5, 2005 11:40:50 GMT -5
oct 5 005 as i was leaving the building yesterday at my usual break neck pace, I almost broke my neck when my shoe broke and I went tumbling to the ground. no big whoop... bruises and a sprained foot, per the trainer, but my ego sure took a bashing. the point of this is that as i finally got into the car and started driving i passed a walgreens that has become a place where I buy neither drugs nor cosmetics but candy. and i said to myself....oooh you can stop and get some chocolate...YOU DESERVE IT. aaaaahhhhhhhaaaaaa. deserve??? because i'm a klutz?  ? because I had a moment of discomfort? ? because it's tuesday? ? what's with the deserve? ?? So I went to work and had a salad with ham and turkey for lunch... and had a nice dinner at home too -- even after I was tempted to order in. this "deserve" sh*^$#t has to go. what I "deserve" is to treat my body with love... with kind foods, joyful yoga, quiet meditation, invigorating exercise and gentle self respect. onward. |
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? because I had a moment of discomfort?