Question for Maintainers!

[JeddoMom]

Hey all, I had another revelation last night, sort of.

My dh and I went out last night. It was for a FREE (yay!) contractor's dinner. It was huge. Fancy hotel, really nice food, appetizers, free drinks, you name it, it was there and it was FREE.

So, I'm sitting there with my dinner of turkey, green beans, salad, roll with butter, and small amount of stuffing and thinking. There is so much food here, I made some good choices and some not so good ones. I felt guilty for taking the roll. I felt good that I took just a little bit of the stuffing. I felt confused when we walked around the dessert table trying to decide what to get. Then later, I basically didn't care later when we had our free cocktails. (hey, they were FREE!)

So many emotions, all over a dinner!!!! When does it get easier? When can you just go and eat and not look at the food through a looking glass to guess how much oil was on the green beans or fat in the stuffing?

I had a great time, but it would have been so much more fun if I could have just picked my food and eaten it, like it seemed like everyone else was doing. Will it always be like this, or will I eventually find peace when I am faced with situations like this??

Monica

[Rita]

I've only been on maintenance for a couple months, and don't really have a lot of experience with it. But I think the truth is we can never eat like everybody else. If we are going to maintain we must be always thinking about what we are putting into our bodies - always eating mindfully. Having said that, I do believe that we can enjoy the food at parties as long as it is done mindfully with small amounts. It's ok to have a cocktail. And dessert. In fact I think it's good to keep the body guessing. The body can get lulled into a routine - it's good to shake things up every once in a while.

Eliminate the guilt and you eliminate the chance of overdoing it. It will get easier. When you do get through one of these occasions and find you haven't gained, it will give you more confidence the next time.

Have I made any sense here?

[pat5031]

not at maint yet , but want to add my thoughts. Rita made a good point about eliminating the guilt, therfore eliminating the chance to overdo it. Monica you did great at that dinner. soon it will be a no brainer. focus on the people or event, not the food. remember the 28-day habit rule.

[anne]

It may help to remember that "everybody else" at that party, with a very few exceptions, is steadily gaining weight. The fact is, almost nobody can eat the way everybody else eats. You were the healthy one.

[Rita]

One more thing - try to keep in mind that the food is only secondary. Try to focus on the people, the event, the fashions, the fun. We can have a great time without the calories! Don't let yourself feel deprived just because you don't eat all the goodies. You should feel empowered by that!!! ;D We don't need food to enjoy ourselves!

[kathleen320]

Another thing to remember is that you have an incredible amount of leeway with the extra WPAs. It will not hurt if you occasionally indulge, so relax. I'm glad that you were relaxed enough to have the free cocktails.

[jmmoon]

i don't believe in feeling guilty over food. there are times where i regret eating something that really wasn't very good tasting or well-prepared, or eating beyond my fullness level, but guilt---never. i'm sorry you felt uncomfortable about having to pay attention to your food. I like the feeling of being alert to what I'm consuming. I really don't sweat things like whether or not there's oil on the green beans. it makes no difference in any given week or month if I have a little extra oil at a single event here or there.

my problem at something like that would be the types of food they offered. I don't eat anything that I dont' think is exceptionally well prepared, so given a buffet, I pick the simplest looking non-white lower fat food. sometime that limits my options. At my dad's country club catered birthday party i ended up eating a grilled chicken breast, a half a piece of grilled steak, and a very large plate of greens w/dressing on the side. Even the dressing was my concoction---they had ranch and italian---I didn't want either so I asked for a separate bowl and mixed a little ranch w/salsa from the chips and salsa. it worked for dressing. I also asked for a whole pitcher of water---kept running dry waiting for the serving staff to come by. People thought i ate strangely, but i filled up just fine---and i could still fit in my clothes at the end of the night. there were a number of other foods, but nothing else i found appetizing.

hope you relax more about this stuff over time monica!

[Buttonsmom]

JeddoMom said:

Hey all, I had another revelation last night, sort of.


So many emotions, all over a dinner!!!! When does it get easier? When can you just go and eat and not look at the food through a looking glass to guess how much oil was on the green beans or fat in the stuffing?

I had a great time, but it would have been so much more fun if I could have just picked my food and eaten it, like it seemed like everyone else was doing. Will it always be like this, or will I eventually find peace when I am faced with situations like this??

Monica

I recently realized that I have a very unhealthy relationship with food. I never used to, I was one of those who would have picked out what I wanted to eat and never gained a pound. But, now I obsess over what I can eat, how much, etc. So, I am going back to square one, and also, getting out of the diet mentality. Unless I choose to start smoking again, I need to come up with a healthy approach to food/exercise/list making. This must become a normal life style for me just as my old one was. And, I may need to simply accept these extra 20 lbs for a while, and quit beating myself up for being fat and unattractive. I am actually smaller than any females in the previous generations of my family, and none of them ate processed foods, and they all worked hard so got lots of activity. But, none of them ever smoked, so they did not have the artificial appetite suppressant that I did.
That said, I think that we are capable of learning just about any behavior, and when we do, it becomes the norm and the old behavior falls by the way. Then we make peace with food, and get on with living. At least I hope that is how it works.

[SusieQ]

Monica, can I chime in with my two cents' worth? It may not be at all useful to you, since I am not at maintainance, but here's a random thought or two.

It sounds to me like your conflict happened because somewhere inside, you are feeling the wish to be able to let go and eat whatever you want without worrying about gaining weight.

And the plain, hard fact is that the answer is NO...you cannot let go and eat mindlessly.

I think maybe you'd find it helpful to concentrate on eatng mindfully....selecting the very best foods available for your taste....starting out with smaller portions than you might think....and then eating those foods slowly and mindfully.

One way to think of it is to think of spending calories. Where are you going to spend them? On a cocktail or two, or an almost stale, tasteless roll? On a delicious, fresh, warm roll with real butter, or a two cocktails? Or perhas only one cocktail and a small glass of wine. Or....

......I'm not being very articulate. What I'm trying to say is I think it's maybe even more important to "stay awake" (mindful) during maintainance than during losing! Because it's a NEW skill you're learning, and you have to find YOUR way. So however you approach maintainance....pay attention to what you're doing.

And if you gain a few pounds...do real Core for a few days, until the pounds are gone. While you're learning. Think of Core as training wheels....you are learning to ride a two-wheeler!

If none of this is useful....LOL....I wouldn't be surprised, since you've gone where this Susie hasn't gone before!

Susie

[pat5031]

Susie, great inspiration!
I will remember this when I am at goal. even now with core, I want "quality" food, not "quanity," and make wise food choices. Julie made some great comments.

[Rita]

Susie - you're right! Losing the weight was just the beginning. Learning maintenance is where the real work begins.

[Buttonsmom]

I had a light-bulb moment here. Of course I could eat what I wanted when I wanted as long as I smoked. That is the same as saying that I could do so as long as I took diet pills (which I never did). Duh!!!!!!!!
I do not smoke anymore, I will never be able to eat the way I did before again, not ever, never never never.......
I chose to quit smoking, no one made me do so, and no one will be upset if I chose to smoke again (in my family). This is my decision, plain and simple. If I want my old body back, I must reduce the calories I take in or expend more. Plain and simple. I gained 10 lbs a month for 2 and 1/2 months so that means I was eating almost 1200 extra calories a day.
When I look back on my daily logs, I was eating between 1800-2000 cals a day, so that means I only needed 600 to 800 cals a day to stay at 140 lbs. It is simple math, why did it take me so long to see it?

[JeddoMom]

Susie (and everyone else!), thanks so much for your input!! You know, I've been staying away from your Mind over platter threads. Why? Well, mabye because deep down inside I refuse to believe that I really do have a problem with food. I started out reading it everyday, but since I've already lost most of my weight I didn't feel like I fit in there.

I'm going to re-think my decision to stay away....Monica

[Lesley1]

Monica, I thought you might be headed for trouble as soon as I saw that you were using the word "free." There is such a thing as food you don't pay money for, but there is no such thing as free food. You are paying for it with your health and your appearance. So you need to spend your "allowance" wisely, that is, by eating mindfully.

Moonie, I really admire your approach to eating. It's a matter of self-respect-- we should not eat anything that is not prepared to our satisfaction. I've noticed that if I'm offered something badly prepared or something that is well-prepared but given to me in an unpleasant manner and I eat it, I cannot feel satisfied and therefore I don't stop eating. Maybe I don't eat any more at that place but I overeat later. So I am going to remember your thoughts and respect myself more when it comes to food.