Post by SusieQ on Mar 7, 2005 8:13:48 GMT -5
I've been having a hard time with The Program over the past couple of weeks. The scale is ok...I'm managing to maintain at the 180 point, but it's been a struggle. I thought it might be helpful to others if I wrote about it. I know it will help me...
First, let me tell you what I've been doing (and not-doing) so you get an idea of what kind of tailspin this is. My meals are still all Core-based, but essentially, I've stopped counting WPAs and I'm not measuring oils in my cooking. I haven't been bingeing, but I have been eating about 200 calories of chocolate a day (and not counting the points!) Mainly, the problem is in my head, not in my mouth. I don't FEEL in control, and I don't FEEL like I'm taking good care of myself.
Ok.
So what started this tailspin?
First, it's a hard time of year for me. My DH is a tax accountant, and he's just barely coming up from his office for meals. I miss him. Second, I have my usual "background" stress from the extra effort it takes to raise my son with Asperger's Disorder, and to see that the needs of his brother don't go overlooked. Third, I am taking care of my elderly mother-in-law. And finally - the last straw - I am faced with difficult dealings with my children's father, a situation in which I fear wisdom is needed that exceeds my capacity to be wise.
In other words - I got stress. Don't we all?
When I feel like I am carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders - and my all-too-human shoulders start to ache - I start taking care of myself in sneaky ways.
Like with a cookie, or a piece of chocolate. Like giving up counting WPAs because it's too much "work."
Whoa!!!!!!!!! What is this saying???
It's saying, "I'm too busy taking care of other people to take proper care of myself."
It's saying, "I'm gonna take the shortcut of turning to food to self-nuture, because I'm not worth the effort to take care of myself properly."
It's saying, "BIG SIGNAL! Susie, you're not putting yourself high enough on your priority list and getting what you need. You're turning to food to make up the difference!"
Yesterday, I managed to grapple with this a bit I had a talk with myself.
Me: You know, Susie, you're only successful at this weight-loss business when your efforts spring from a source of self-regard and self-worth.
I: I know, but I feel too stressed to care.
Me: Don't you think you will feel better if you take at least as good care of yourself as you do of others?
I: But I don't have time or energy to think about me. I'm too busy thinking about others.
Me: What will happen if you think about your own needs on a par with the needs of others? Will something dreadful happen?
I: Thinking logically, nothing bad will happen if I take care of myself as well as take care of others. I don't know why I felt I had to sacrifice one for the other.
Me: Doesn't matter why, really. What matters is that you recognize the signal early, like you have now, and get yourself out of the tailspin of not caring.
I: I see that. You know, just taking the time to even THINK about myself has been helpful. It's like my worries are this big, heavy package that I've been dragging around. I forgot that I can just put the package on the ground for awhile and rest my arms. The worries are all still there....but I don't have to embrace them all the time!
Me: (beaming) That's it! Put the heavy bag of worries down and let your body rest! Rummage through the bag and deal with one item at a time, in its proper time! Now tell me what you are going to do with yourself, now that you realize you don't have to exhaust yourself schlepping that sack of worry.
I: I am going to give myself permission to take that daily hour for exercise. It's my "me" time. I need it. I'm going to take the time to think about my meals and cook the things I like and that properly nourish my body. I'm going to stay aware of when I am ruminating about worries needlessly, and I'm going to take mindful breaths to blow away the tension. Mostly, I'm going to remember that I am worthy of care and devotion. I'm going to take care of myself properly. It's only by such careful, nurturing attention to myself that I can meet my responsibilities, anyway. I can only give away that which I also give to myself.
Me: How do you feel now?
I: MUCH better! Thank you! I feel like I can get back in order now. How much do I owe you?
Me: Nothing. Professional courtesy... ;D
So, here are my hardwon tips on getting out of an "I don't care" tailspin:
1. Recognize that you DO care, that you DON'T want to throw all your previous efforts out the window.
2. Engage in a dialogue with yourself to discover what obstacles to self-care are in your way. (For me, it was, "I'm too stressed and worried about others. I can't do both - care for others and care for myself.")
3. Devise a plan to get around the obstacles. For me, I think all I needed was this dialogue....we'll see....perhaps you might need other strategies.
4. Repeat the process as needed.
Namaste..
Susie
First, let me tell you what I've been doing (and not-doing) so you get an idea of what kind of tailspin this is. My meals are still all Core-based, but essentially, I've stopped counting WPAs and I'm not measuring oils in my cooking. I haven't been bingeing, but I have been eating about 200 calories of chocolate a day (and not counting the points!) Mainly, the problem is in my head, not in my mouth. I don't FEEL in control, and I don't FEEL like I'm taking good care of myself.
Ok.
So what started this tailspin?
First, it's a hard time of year for me. My DH is a tax accountant, and he's just barely coming up from his office for meals. I miss him. Second, I have my usual "background" stress from the extra effort it takes to raise my son with Asperger's Disorder, and to see that the needs of his brother don't go overlooked. Third, I am taking care of my elderly mother-in-law. And finally - the last straw - I am faced with difficult dealings with my children's father, a situation in which I fear wisdom is needed that exceeds my capacity to be wise.
In other words - I got stress. Don't we all?
When I feel like I am carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders - and my all-too-human shoulders start to ache - I start taking care of myself in sneaky ways.
Like with a cookie, or a piece of chocolate. Like giving up counting WPAs because it's too much "work."
Whoa!!!!!!!!! What is this saying???
It's saying, "I'm too busy taking care of other people to take proper care of myself."
It's saying, "I'm gonna take the shortcut of turning to food to self-nuture, because I'm not worth the effort to take care of myself properly."
It's saying, "BIG SIGNAL! Susie, you're not putting yourself high enough on your priority list and getting what you need. You're turning to food to make up the difference!"
Yesterday, I managed to grapple with this a bit I had a talk with myself.
Me: You know, Susie, you're only successful at this weight-loss business when your efforts spring from a source of self-regard and self-worth.
I: I know, but I feel too stressed to care.
Me: Don't you think you will feel better if you take at least as good care of yourself as you do of others?
I: But I don't have time or energy to think about me. I'm too busy thinking about others.
Me: What will happen if you think about your own needs on a par with the needs of others? Will something dreadful happen?
I: Thinking logically, nothing bad will happen if I take care of myself as well as take care of others. I don't know why I felt I had to sacrifice one for the other.
Me: Doesn't matter why, really. What matters is that you recognize the signal early, like you have now, and get yourself out of the tailspin of not caring.
I: I see that. You know, just taking the time to even THINK about myself has been helpful. It's like my worries are this big, heavy package that I've been dragging around. I forgot that I can just put the package on the ground for awhile and rest my arms. The worries are all still there....but I don't have to embrace them all the time!
Me: (beaming) That's it! Put the heavy bag of worries down and let your body rest! Rummage through the bag and deal with one item at a time, in its proper time! Now tell me what you are going to do with yourself, now that you realize you don't have to exhaust yourself schlepping that sack of worry.
I: I am going to give myself permission to take that daily hour for exercise. It's my "me" time. I need it. I'm going to take the time to think about my meals and cook the things I like and that properly nourish my body. I'm going to stay aware of when I am ruminating about worries needlessly, and I'm going to take mindful breaths to blow away the tension. Mostly, I'm going to remember that I am worthy of care and devotion. I'm going to take care of myself properly. It's only by such careful, nurturing attention to myself that I can meet my responsibilities, anyway. I can only give away that which I also give to myself.
Me: How do you feel now?
I: MUCH better! Thank you! I feel like I can get back in order now. How much do I owe you?
Me: Nothing. Professional courtesy... ;D
So, here are my hardwon tips on getting out of an "I don't care" tailspin:
1. Recognize that you DO care, that you DON'T want to throw all your previous efforts out the window.
2. Engage in a dialogue with yourself to discover what obstacles to self-care are in your way. (For me, it was, "I'm too stressed and worried about others. I can't do both - care for others and care for myself.")
3. Devise a plan to get around the obstacles. For me, I think all I needed was this dialogue....we'll see....perhaps you might need other strategies.
4. Repeat the process as needed.
Namaste..
Susie