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Post by kally on May 20, 2006 21:36:56 GMT -5
Ever feel like you are at war with food? I do. I get so tired of keeping it at bay. It seems like there is never enough food in the world for me.
I have lost 50 lbs and have been at this weight for over a year. I try to lose more, but here I stay. I feel as if every thing I put in my mouth is a calculation and it is tiring.
If I have dinner I think about what I will eat next, decide whether it will be something tonight or tomorrow. If I try to eat when I am hungry it is as if i am always hungry, hungry for something.
I hear other people say, boy I am stuffed I can't finish this and I can't really relate.
Do any of you know what I mean? It saddens me a lot.
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Post by cydkitty on May 21, 2006 8:00:13 GMT -5
Kally.
I am amazed by how much time I spend thinking of food. 50# is a great loss. You will get past this slump. The reason I do core is because When I try to do Flex I do the always calculating thing and it is exhausting.
My leader reminds us often that it isn't food that is our problem so much as the emotions that we eat with it. Denial of our feelings and needs and replacing meeting our needs with food.
To misquote Janet Jackson "what have you done for YOU lately?"
I am not sure if you are just needing to be heard or if you are looking for suggestions. If it is the former, grrl I know where you are coming from. Food is my addiction too. It is my stress reducer,( and stressor) it is how I was comforted as a child and a HUGE symbol of love, and celebration. and good times. I love it and hate it. It is one of the hardest relationships I have, because food can be a controlling beotch. and as odd as that may sound we DO have a relationship with food.
Other thoughts and here comes the suggestions. 1st maybe it is time for a medical check up to make sure all is ok physiologically.
2nd if all is ok healthwise, keep core foods around and USE them! Popcorn is one of my slavations. I can eat a big bag and it takes a while and helps satisfy the crunchy munchies. Smoothies fix my ice creams screams. Try to go for a week with NO sugar or white wheat even if you have the points for it. I have found that as soon as I have some in my system I have to struggle so much more, nothing fills me up. 3rd find a distractor, I make jewelry and needlepoint. I use these more for taking my mind off of work so I can sleep without dreaming about work but it also helps distract me from food obsessing too. 4th and most important find out what other than food you are hungry for and feed yourself that.
Hang in there, you can get through this. If you lost 50# you have the strenght and determination to beat this
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Post by kally on May 21, 2006 10:17:00 GMT -5
thanks for your reply. Good advice. I think the doing something other than food related is important and dealing with feelings is important too.
It all seems so habit like - food things, food planning, food thinking, food buying, etc. I need to unhook from some of that.
Thanks
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Post by nightsinge on May 21, 2006 14:37:45 GMT -5
Kally!
*hughughug*
I am there with you in spirit, my battling soul-sister! Ugh. I so know that focus--thinking about my next food while I'm eating my current food!
If I have one complaint about WW it is this: they do not really focus on the psychological aspects of self-image or food addiction. Sure they have little tools, anchors, mantras or whatever. But we do not ever spend time at meetings discussing the very real paths our minds have carved out in the addictions many of us have around food.
It's scary.
I hate how much food is not just a reward, but the reward in my life. I want it to reward my pain, my fear, my successes--even my damn successes with weight loss! Now that's just...sad.
50 lbs is awesome, as Cydkitty said! I've only lost 40, but I lay awake at night terrified that I'm going to turn around and eat it all back in a week. Why can't we believe in ourselves? Arrggh!
I agree with all of Cydkitty's wise words. I thank you so much for giving voice to my feelings and fears. Would you be willing to continue this discussion? The thing that would help me the most is acknowledging and discussing these real components of who we are on our journeys to health.
More hugs,
Night
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Post by kally on May 21, 2006 14:54:28 GMT -5
Thanks Nightsinge I also think I can gain it back in one week. This week I celebrated my birthday so went on Flex and I believe stayed within my points but got so scared that I had gained 5 or 6 lbs.
I got on the scales today and I am the same as last week, which I think is great.
But it is like I never know what full feels like. I have to eat a LOT of food to fill remotely full. Or I have to eat two meals close together to feel full.
How come other people aren't like this? How is it that some people really understand full and hungry? It drives me nuts.
I could eat a big healthy WW lunch and then I could probably eat a whole pizza just because it is there.
So much to think about, but I do thank you for sharing. More viewpoints encouraged.
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Post by katelight on May 22, 2006 6:09:49 GMT -5
Kally, you have voiced the exact feelings and fears that I have. Eventhough I am lifetime, I still worry that I will gain it all back overnight. The hungry/satisfied/full scale is still difficult for me. I know that I am not a stress eater, but I do know that I am a boredom eater and I get bored very easily. Beyond that I'm not really sure. Our society is so centered around food. I live in Iowa, and the catch phrase here is from the movie "Field of Dreams" "if you build it they will come". I often say "if you feed them they will come" Everything that involves food is well attended. Why can't we gather together to enjoy each other's company without food. I think most of us at some level are afraid to dig too deeply to examine our relationship with food. We are afraid to let those emotions to the surface, both because they are painful to examine, and because then we may have to truly face the concequences. Writting a letter to myself has helped many times. I write it, sometimes share it with my husband or best friend, and destroy it. But always I allow myself to make at least one step beyond it, or at least I try. Not always successful. Kally, hang in there. 50# is fantastic. Go lift a 50#bag of dog food or softner salt for perspective. Be kind to yourself and be proud of ALL that you have accomplished. Take care Katie
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Post by mikkid24 on May 22, 2006 9:35:16 GMT -5
Kally, you certainly struck a chord for me. I'm a recovering food addict/binger, and although I'm a lifetimer and just 3 lbs. away from goal, it is still a constant struggle. I have come to terms with the fact that, just like an alcoholic, I'll never be "cured" but always "recovering". There will be times when I will "fall off the wagon", but I've resolved to let go of those stumbles and get right back on program whenever they happen.
It is difficult to live in a world where we're bombarded with contradictory images of food, the supersizing craze, fashion magazines filled with waifs, and have to deal people who don't have to worry about what they eat and haven't got the understanding and/or sensitivity to understand what we're going through. This battle isn't about "willpower" or the lack of it, but most of the world really doesn't get it. At least those of us on these boards can relate, empathize and be there for each other. It feels good to know that we're not alone.
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Post by kally on May 22, 2006 11:58:50 GMT -5
Thanks everyone. I feel better already. I am a boredom eater. You know those people who say "I got so busy I forgot to eat" Well that would NEVER happen to me. I know when my meals are, I look forward to them, etc. I just couldn't relax the day away without it being cetnred on food. If I am busy I still eat. So perhaps I have too little to do, or too little structure in my life.
But do I have to fill my day up to stay away from the food. That saddens me even more. I don't want food to be the enemy. I just want it to be food.
Where to start, what to do? I think we should enjoy our food and have a wonderful palate of choices, much like the French, or should we have very plain food that doesn't get anyone excited.
So much to think on. Please feel free to comment more.
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Post by slimcris on May 22, 2006 12:10:09 GMT -5
Kally,
I'm right there with ya on the food obsession. It has happened on occasion that I haven't had time to eat during the day - but it usually gets made up for, plus some, the second I get a chance to stop . Chronic binger here, who can eat and eat and eat. It's amazing the amount of food I've been able to pack in at times.
I'm going to go ahead and vote for eating like our french/italian/greek counterparts. Rich and varied foods that satiate the palate as well as fill the belly. For me, anyway, the bland leaves me wanting. It's funny you bring this up because I was just thinking about it last night. How I need to broaden my food horizons and get out of my boca burger, turkey burger taco, mashed potato rut and spice my food up a bit. I'm starting to explore different ethnic foods that I can make at home - I haven't found and ethnicity yet that I haven't loved! The trick is finding good recipes that can be made well at home. So far I've mastered the fresh spring roll - surprisingly easy (and cheap!!!), sushi (more difficult to make it come out good, but fun for when company comes over) and I'm going to work on various grilled skewers this week.
Today's my first day officially back on the losing wagon, as I've just been struggling to maintain for a few weeks while school was wrapping up, so I can't give you any results - but just wanted to comment because it's funny we had the same thoughts at the same time!
The way I'm dealing the food obsession struggle is to try to make it productive, vs. counterproductive. By trying new recipes that are a bit more difficult than the usual zap, dab and stuff, I'm hoping to make food prep a positive and enjoyable experience in and of itself, so that I look forward to preparing some interesting, exquisite meals, and spend my time looking for/thinking about new recipes rather than thinking about what I'll stuff my cheeks with next.
I've always been one to just make up recipes on the fly, with what I happen to have on hand. As a result, if I don't come up with an idea right away, I eat something that's not as healthy as it could/should be. Hopefully shifting gears and trying a few new, exciting, palate-pleasing recipes will re-focus my efforts and make eating more therapeutic than dreadful.
Stay strong - if what you're doing isn't working, do something completely new/different! I get stuck in ruts all the time, and I just have to take the leap to push myself out of them by shaking life up a bit. Maybe that will help? Maybe not? But at least it gives me something new to obsess over once in a while ...
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Post by girliepurple on May 22, 2006 14:52:13 GMT -5
This is a great thread. I totally relate too. Kally - 50 lbs. is GREAT, be proud. Night - "only" 40 lbs.?? Yes, let's try to believe in ourselves girls! I think more about food now that I'm on WW than I did before! For me that's a good thing because I obviously wasn't watching what I was eating or why, WW has taught me to pay attention, that I must care and think about my choices in order to lose and maintain. In between the meals though...I try to forget about food. If I feel hungry for some reason, I have instant plain oatmeal packets at work, but basically I try to forget about eating until I'm hungry again...or until it's "time". I eat 3 meals a day most of the time. The "eating until satisfied" part of Core was very very hard for me. (Remember, it's until satisfied, not full ). I too can eat half a pizza and not feel full (well maybe now I'd be full but it would be 30 min. later and too late). I don't need to be hungry to eat, ever & I'm definitely a boredom eater. I have learned to stop myself, but it does require thinking about it. I believe thinking about food is better than thinking about how fat I look and feel. I remember those thoughts and I don't want them ever again! I don't know if this helps...I am rambling because I so related to this thread. I think you should stick with it, Kally, you are doing great. There is a girl in my meeting who lost 65 lbs., she was at every meeting with a friend, going strong....now we see her WI and leave and her friend is nowhere to be found. We hear she is struggling with losing more, and maybe she has lost her friend's support (although she has ours, if she would just stay...we have asked her but she seems discouraged). I think some people's bodies totally fight against weight loss, once a certain # of lbs. is lost...but the plateau will break eventually. Talking it out like this really helps!
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saraha
Corebie
Please let it be this time!
Posts: 36
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Post by saraha on May 22, 2006 17:31:19 GMT -5
Great discussion! I'm trying to think what I can add that is new but mostly I'm just saying, 'oh yeah, uh huh, know just what you (all) are talking about!' I feel like I have been at war with food my whole life! I have done the OA thing some years ago and things I learned there often come to mind. One is about the tiger in the cage. They equate food as a substance addiction like alcohol or narcotics, etc. So the tiger thing is that with those other addictions, you battle the tiger until you finally get him into the cage and lock it (using the tools of recovery, the 12-steps). Then you've still got the tiger, but he's in the cage instead of running all over your life. With food addiction though, you have to get in the cage with the tiger 3 or more times a day, every meal, and fight with him again. That's how I feel, I might be better off if I could just not eat at all. If I could be just like "oh, I don't eat" the way some people just don't drink, then it wouldn't be such a problem. As it is, I'm like an alcoholic that has to be constantly checking herself "okay, one glass of wine 3 times a day but that's it. That's reasonable but how about a margarita, I want a margarita but I'll just have half and that will be okay and then I'll have the other half at 3:00. I just have to make it until 3:00." That would be a crazy way to expect an alcholic to behave (at least by current theory) but as food addicts, we must live that way. And my second point. Haven't I been reading about whole new theories about appetite that are being explored? I think there is much that we don't understand yet. I just don't think I am cut out like the most people. I very rarely have real physical hunger either, only emotional hunger, I think. I often 'forget' to eat when I am busy but then when not, can eat constantly all day (and then there are days when I need a hug or something else and feel like need a half gallon of ice cream instead) I think whatever controls the appetite just does not work for me. And now I'm starting to think that it's not just years of rollercoaster dieting that has knocked it out of whack--although, of course, I have a lifetime of that in my history. I say this based on my observations of my son (now 10). He has no appetite either. He has never been hungry. As a newborn I had to feed him on a schedule to maintain his weight and then he would have preferred to sleep than eat. As an infant, he got cranky and a feeding would help but mostly he needed a nap. As a toddler, preschooler, he would not stop doing something fun in order to eat, even if it had been hours and hours since his last meal or snack. When he ate, he ate normally and sometimes felt better but either he never learned that whatever that hungry feeling feels like means he needs to eat or it was just not strong enough to override whatever pleasant feeling he got from whatever else he was engaged with. And now the only thing that he enjoys eating is crap--that high intensity sweet stuff or chemical stuff like cheetos. Usually, if it's a choice between a nutritious meal or nothing, he can take nothing and hope there will be ice cream later. The only time I can get him to eat a really good meal is when he's been swimming all day, and then I can feed him still-frozen broccolli without the cheese sauce and he will scarf it down and want mine too. Anyway, I think there is still so much to be understood about how it all works in our brains and bodies. Another 50 years and science will have a better understanding about the biochemistry of hunger and obesity. By then we will take pills for obesity the way we now take them for high blood pressure (it hasn't been many years since we told people with high blood pressure that they just needed to learn to relax!).
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Post by kally on May 22, 2006 20:59:29 GMT -5
sometimes after dinner I sort of breathe easy and relax thinking, good, no more food tonight. No more decisions, good bad, evil, wonderful whatever. No more measureing, thinking, dissecting motive or anything.
Those are great nights, nothing but tea and water. It is at times like this I know I am full. That's because the prospect of no more food for the next 12 hours seems great.
I also did OA for a number of years and I had 3 meals a day and nothing in between. It worked for quite a while, but not forever (obviously)
Are we do differently wired from everyone else?
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Post by katelight on May 23, 2006 6:18:00 GMT -5
There is no normal!!! That realization was a tremendous boost for me. To know that I don't have to eat like anyone else to be normal or accepted. I follow Core as a guideline. The basic structure works for me, but I know that my level of statifaction requires more food than the girl who sits next to me. On a good week I fill that gap with more veggies and fruit, on a not so good week I fill that gap with other things. I'm with Chris, I need food that is flavorful and interesting. Remember I'm a boredom eater so when my food choices become boring, I graze and graze till I find something interesting. I think that we put too much pressure on ourselves, thinking that we shouldn't think about food all of the time. Most of my thin friends think of food all of the time, or at least much of the time. There is just something different about how their bodies work that they don't gain. Learning as much as we can about how our own body reacts to the fuel we put into in helps to know what to eat and how much to eat. Core is really a simple plan, but we each make it very complex. We are very complex beings. I don't have any answers... what works for me may or may not work for you. The important thing is that we each keep pressing on.. learning everyday something new, or re-learning something that will move us one step closer to the goal. Remember, perfection is the goal, progress is the plan. Katie
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Post by xoxohart on May 23, 2006 7:40:04 GMT -5
One of my co-workers is seeing a therapist to help her understand her disordered relationship with food. Yesterday she said, "I just want to learn to be a normal eater." The room kind of stood still for a minute, and then someone said, "There is no such thing." Everyone kind of nodded in agreement. I think many of us believe we are the only ones in the room with food issues, but it's probably a lot more common than you think.
I also feel like I can eat a heck of a lot more than the average person. Nowadays I am very upfront about it, instead of feeling embarrassed. People who know me know that I need to eat about every two hours. My co-workers know how important it is to me that I eat a good lunch. I don't eat just an apple at those times, either -- almost always something with a little protein, some good carbs, etc.
So even though I am tormented by food demons (and yesterday was baaaaad) I no longer try to hide it, which is a breakthrough of sorts. I am no longer embarrassed to be caught with my hand in the bag of chips. Instead I admit to my friends and my co-workers how hard it is for me to have chips around, and how I probably shouldn't have had "just one" to begin with, because now I can't stop.
Things that help with the food obsession: Cooking really helps, especially things that involve chopping and sauteeing. Jobs that I can begin and complete, that keep my hands and body busy, also help. It helps to journal WPAs no matter what, and it helps to have lots of Core food around. Many times I do eat when not hungry, but eating Core instead of junk helps me get past the need to eat a lot sooner. I also do a mental check, even though it doesn't always keep me away from food: "I'm feeling really anxious right now and I just want to crunch on something." My binges aren't nearly as bad as they used to be, but they are definitely still there.
Just remember, you are DEFINITELY not alone in this!
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Post by kally on May 23, 2006 11:58:21 GMT -5
great thoughts here. i might go back to 3 meals a day with nothing in between. That way the meals are big and substantial and really fill me up.
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